I finally figured out why instinctively I don't listen to Christmas music anymore. It's because every time I hear white christmas I remember when I was younger and my mom would put on the cd and light candles around the house and get ready for the following week of relatives and holiday stuff. I remember this and then I feel sad because this no longer happens. I heard white christmas today in the vie scolaire during the christmas celebration and automatically I wanted to cry because I don't get to be home again this year. It's totally not homesickness but that this is the third christmas in fours year where I haven't been home and I miss it. I like christmas time a lot but ever since being in St. Chely I feel sad and lonely when I think about the holidays. I get to be with Oli's family again this year but it's so not the same as being home. I think next year regardless I'm going to my parents because being away is too depressing.